Does Grumpiness Affect the Eco-System?

Bob Banner

What is it about grumpiness that seems to be so natural, so automatic? I see a neighbor I "don't like" and immediately have grumpy feelings toward him or her. Or I walk toward the beach and become grumpy that the sun is now being covered over by a cloud mass; or grumpy that I'm out of "Half & Half" for my morning coffee. Or when I'm driving down the street and I see kids playing and laughing with each other I begin to feel grumpy that my childhood is gone and I have to work to survive.

One morning as I was driving to work I saw an elderly woman, probably mid 70's, driving in her car. I passed her yet I will never forget the absolute personification of the grumpy countenance or physiognomy. When I saw that face I thought to myself why would someone go through their entire life cultivating grumpiness (assuming she wasn't really grieving over some tragedy). She had perfected it. She probably practiced it day in and day out. It had become a habit. Perhaps she never questioned it. Perhaps people, close friends, never said anything about it. And, besides, it probably worked. It somehow got her through another day (after day after day).

Well, that started making me think of my own grumpiness and the underlying stuff of her and my grumpiness. What assumptions lie there lurking underneath that simple and seemingly normal act of being grumpy? What beliefs lie there unexplored?

As I caught myself, or I should say, when I became aware of my grumpy state, I started to investigate it since I'm the best source for my own investigation.

First off I came up with these assertions, assumptions and beliefs:

1) I have the absolute right to be grumpy;

2) I have a right to complain, bitch and whine about the world and situations I find myself in;

3) I ought to be someplace else or be someone else or both;

4) I didn't choose to be here on this planet;

5) I have a right to dump my grumpiness on anyone I deem fit;

6) It is perfectly natural to be grumpy and people should simply get out of my way if they don't like it;

7) I have no responsibility toward curbing or harnessing my grumpiness in order to not infect others with my particular agitated state of consciousness.

I could go on but I'll stop there. You get my drift.

There's a particular belief among humans that when we are grumpy (and I'm including irascibility, complaining, whining, angry, moody, mean-spirited, ill-willed, and that 'don't look at my eyes you butt-brain attitude...')we feel like it's okay to wear it around with us like a crown of jewels. If I don't bug anybody they won't bug me and it's okay to hang onto the mood. But what we don't understand is that by hanging onto it we are actually cultivating grumpiness. The seed has hit the soil and we are busily and preciously composting and watering it so our grumpiness will grow strong and healthy.

Another facet is the assumption that our state of consciousness doesn't really affect other people (or animals, rocks, plants and vegetables...) That statement actually comes from a larger philosophical system that simply declares that we are separate independent selves and that what I do in the privacy of my own mind can't possibly affect anyone else, especially since I don't think that whatever anyone else does affects me. I'm an independent person, not influenceable and perfectly armored from the harshness of real life. Well, according to recent scientific discoveries along with ancient wisdom we are "interdependent" and what we do, how we behave and what we feel affects all of us. Equation: grumpiness affects people. The ecosystem affects us. The pesticides on the broccoli affect us. The International Monetary Fund and the World Bank affect all of us. Grumpiness affects the eco-system of communities and neighborhoods. Etc., etc...

Since I see so much of grumpiness and downright "misery" I wonder if it has always been a fad, a long-standing fad that had no beginning and has no end in sight. I mean look around and see the grumpiness or the blank stares or the "I'm too busy to look at anything except the future that I'm racing toward" type of physiognomy. Why is it that people in larger cities can actually get into brutal fights because there was eye-contact made' What is it about looking at someone intently that creates such violent reactions' I even read an argument against married couples gazing into their beloved's eyes. If you want to keep your beloved for years and years, the "experts" warned, you were advised not to do any eye-gazing since that was a sure road to divorce.

Is this madness or what?

But back to grumpiness. I get grumpy yet I don't like it especially now that I'm aware of all those assumptions that grumpiness thrives on. Not to mention the fact that grumpiness hurts my heart. So, what do we do? Start chanting positive affirmations that we are happy and put a smile on our faces? Absolutely not! A stupid grin and insincere smile affects others also. We are not idiots. We are very sensitive to subtle energies. How many have you seen of those insincere smiles? False smiles, tight mouthed mediocre smiles just waiting to get out of eye sight of any known human.                           

I simply suggest that we don't immediately assume we've changed and fixed it now that we have the vocabulary to describe the problem. I suggest that we witness it, observe it and say: "Wow, grumpiness has possessed me in this particular moment. It's not really me even though I'm tempted to believe that it is me -- that 'I am grumpy'. Now that would be a very big step. It may not sound like it's that important, especially when one is reading about it but just wait until you're in the grips of any negative emotion or mood and see if you can do it. It's extremely tempting to be the emotion that is happening to come through us at that specific moment, whether it's anger, grumpiness, happiness, joy, terror, insecurity... if you say "I am _____(whatever it is that you are feeling at the moment)," then identification has guaranteed its rigid attachment. "I am grumpy." It's got a ring to it. We all know now what and who you are. Security and sanity have been firmly established. But what if we were to say something quite unusual like: "I have temporarily allowed grumpiness to take control of my identity" or "Being a foul, mean-spirited mood is now passing through me. I think I will investigate this particular phenomenon and its wild sensations and check out what's going on."                                     

To me, this particular take on the subject is much more responsible. That's the key! Taking responsibility for moods and feelings is a whopping quantum leap and paradigm shift away from the victim mode to an active role of investigator. Do we really want to be slaves to moods that come our way, being triggered by that sensation, fantasy, feeling, drama, person or activity? Or am I going to learn to choose what state I'm in and cultivate the ones that bring nourishment to me and others so that when I'm old I will be a happy vital contributing member of my family, tribe, or community. Or do I want to be a total drag, grumpy and be selfish with my gifts, talents and joys? Am I going to cultivate happiness or grumpiness? Do I wish to die happy or full of resentment and regrets? [ A friend's father, on his deathbed, would waver between consciousness and unconsciousness, between lucidity and confusion. One time he sat up abruptly and exclaimed to no one in particular, "What have I done?"]

It's not easy being genuinely happy. It's very easy being cranky, irascible, addictive, grumpy and an overall pain in the butt. It's very difficult being happy because happiness assumes:                      

1) we have aligned ourselves to a career or livelihood that compliments our inner talents and abilities;

2) we are in relationships out of choice, not from duty or blind obligation;

3) we are giving of our talents to the community at large;

4) we are no longer in denial about our feelings;

5) we are no longer superficially satisfied by the numerous distractions out there numbing us to our real needs;

6) we are connected with our Source (whatever religion or tradition one adheres to).                          

To cultivate happiness is not to simply put on a false smile and still walk around in pain and misery. Cultivating happiness is very hard work. It takes a lot of weeding. But the pay off is the ease of unnecessary suffering, a joyfulness that spreads beyond our tiny individual happiness and creates a presence and beingness that is both visceral, accessible and infectious. Have you ever noticed when someone genuinely smiles at you' It sort of triggers that genuine smile within you.                             

But the question remains: Do we want to be happy or grumpy; do we wish to be mere victims or become responsible for our emotional states?

The task is upon us every moment since every moment we are deciding. If we want the world, or our neighborhoods, to be a safer place, a more loving environment, where better to start than with ourselves.

If you enjoyed these reflections, we invite you to discover other thoughtful and personal writings in the pages of The Best of Pilgrimage and Pilgrimage Vol. 26 and Vol. 27. These can be ordered directly from this website; please click on "How to Order."

Copyright © 2004-2007 David Barstow. All rights reserved.